My life seems always to have been a punctuated by a series of spiritual awakening experiences. Some have been very subtle and beautiful, others extremely difficult and painful. I am grateful for each of them, however, as without them I would not have grown in awareness or compassion. Neither would I have developed such a depth of understanding of the cycle of life, death and rebirth.
The following are extracts from the book I am currently writing about my life journey towards spiritual enlightenment, which I hope you will find interesting and enjoyable.
For as long as I can remember, I have been highly aware of and sensitive to subtle energies. My sensitivity, particularly in childhood, was often overwhelming, to the extent that I would become physically ill when exposed to a lot of negativity. It wasn’t until I was about 12 that I began to realise that my heightened sensitivity to energies was quite uncommon.
I can remember having many ‘out of body’ experiences, in which I would see myself as pure, glowing silvery-white light. I would find myself floating above my body near the bedroom ceiling with the awareness of being attached to my physical body by a thin, silvery cord. I would feel a tremendous sense of freedom, unlimited energy and pure joy as I zipped as fast my thoughts from the house, high above the street lamps, then out amongst the stars. However, the return to my physical body was not always so pleasant; I clearly recall on one particular occasion suddenly finding myself back in my body and feeling very hot and sweaty, with my heart pumping like crazy. Perhaps I had travelled a little too far and for too long that night?
My earliest memories are of growing up in Portishead, North Somerset, where I lived with my parents and four older siblings. I recall many long, wonderful, warm summer days and staying up until the street lamps came on, just playing outdoors with the local children. My two oldest brothers, Tony and Paul, would often go down to the local field to play football and occasionally I would explore the coastline near the house with my youngest brother, Andrew, and our sister, Jane, who was three years older than me. We were fortunate to live near a navigational lighthouse and rocky beach with a coastal path. Sometimes we would realise we were lost, but somehow managed to find our way back home and it was always a great adventure.
I knew my sister was ill, as she had frequent visits to Bristol Children’s Hospital and needed physiotherapy and medication every day. A physiotherapist would visit the house regularly too. We all knew she had been diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, though I was too young to really understand what that meant.
We moved house when I was about 8 years old. None of us children were happy about the move to Devon, as we had so many friends in Portishead and loved our life as it was. Even mum wasn’t happy, but move we did. Jane began to spend longer periods of time in Torbay Hospital and we all missed her terribly.
When I was 10 years old, we were told that Jane would not be coming out of hospital. I remember that last visit to see her on the Louisa Cary Ward and feeling like such an idiot, not knowing what to say and asking her if she wanted some of the fruit that was by her bed. She had some tubes coming out of her and she looked very tired, pale and weak. Even so, I couldn’t really accept that I wouldn’t be seeing my sister again.
A few days later the phone rang. My father told us the devastating news that Jane had died. I remember going upstairs with my brother, Paul, and we cried together. Something felt weird though, as if it wasn’t real. It wasn’t until the funeral that it started to really sink in that we wouldn’t be seeing Jane again. Her tragic loss affected us all deeply, particularly my mother, who never got over her death.
The beginning of my search for answers
My parents told me that Jane had gone to Heaven. I asked more questions, but none of the answers I received seemed to make much sense. I wanted to know more and began to search the school library for answers. The only books I could find, which I thought might be helpful, were terrifying books about ghosts with unnerving photos in them. Not helpful! I felt confused and miserable for much of my childhood following the loss of my sister. I wanted to wake up from the bad dream that was my life. It wasn’t all bad, but there was a greyness that surrounded me during those years. Mum felt distant and always seemed irritable and on edge. I didn’t understand then that she was taking anti-depressants which were, in those days, very strong. She probably couldn’t feel anything very much, bless her.
I guess you could say I became very intense from that point onwards. I wanted to know what had happened to my sister and what happens to others when they die. Surely, something of them must still exist? I just refused to believe that they go to an invisible place called Heaven, wherever that was, and that no one ever sees them again. Something inside me was telling me there had to be more and I was determined to find out somehow, from somewhere. I found it very frustrating that no one else seemed to be searching for these answers and were happy enough to just carry on with their lives.
Angel voices and remote-viewing
In the weeks that followed, I began waking to the most beautiful voices singing. I would feel as though I had been somewhere very special and longed to return there. I don’t recall telling anyone about my experiences back then. Perhaps I didn’t know where to start or was afraid of being laughed at.
Nothing very much happened, of any significance, until the age of 15, when I was leaving the school grounds at the end of the school day during summer. As I was walking towards the heavy wooden gate and thick stone wall, I began to feel irritation in the centre of my forehead. This continued for a few seconds. I rubbed the area to see if I could make the unpleasant sensation go away. Following this, I began to see an image of my eldest brother, rather as if looking at a hazy white screen in the air a few feet away from me. The image was of Tony sitting in the driver’s seat of the white Morris van, which my father owned at the time, reading a newspaper. The image stayed there for a good few seconds, until I reached the wooden gate. As soon as I opened the gate, I could clearly see my brother, just as I had seen him several seconds earlier, before seeing him with my physical eyes; sitting in the driver’s seat of the white Morris van, reading a newspaper! I tried, with much frustration, to explain to Tony what I had just experienced. I could see he was trying to comprehend what I was telling him, though I’m not sure I did such a brilliant job of doing so, however.
Further psychic and remote-viewing experiences occurred in the years following this. My intuitive awareness was growing and I was keen to develop and understand it further. By the age of 17 I had become very interested in Astrology and the Tarot, much to the consternation of my father, who was, by this time, an ordained Congregational Minister. He was also the Chaplain at Rowcroft Hospice in Torquay. Despite my father’s opinion that I was dabbling in something dangerous, I continued my search for answers to the big questions in life and bought a set of Tarot cards based on Greek mythology. I will admit to feeling quite fearful of having the Tarot cards during the first week of having them, due to the negative remarks made by my father and others. However, I soon began to realise that the only negativity I was experiencing was due to the fear-based opinions of others and that the cards themselves were actually very beautiful. My fear gradually disappeared and I began to study them with great fascination and respect.
Another very powerful experience occurred at the age of 17, when I was sitting upstairs in my bedroom one afternoon. Suddenly, I began feeling a powerful surge of energy pouring through the top of my head and down through my body. This energy streamed down through my arms and out through my hands and fingers. Something told me that this energy was very special and I rushed downstairs to tell my father. I asked him if he could take me down to Rowcroft Hospice, as I felt that I could help the patients there. My father was very against the idea, however, saying that it would give them “false hope”. Perhaps he was right. I was extremely saddened by his reaction though and felt very frustrated at not having an outlet for the beautiful energies which I longed to make use of. I did not experience such a powerful surge of energy again until about 8 years later, during meditation at a retreat in Leicestershire, instinctively sending this energy out to others in the room.
Growing in awareness and understanding
It is my belief that certain people are destined to come into our lives at specific times and for a specific reason. I am fortunate to have had many such meetings, most of which have been a wonderful blessing. Belinda is one of them. At the age of 20, I had never heard the term ‘third eye’ used, but as I became good friends with my neighbour, who lived in the flat next to me, Belinda introduced me to several concepts that I had not heard of before. I learned about such things as ‘power animals’, ‘shamanism’ and ‘medicine cards’. Belinda explained that my unusual experience at the age of 15 was probably due to my third eye, also known as the brow chakra, opening. I am very grateful to her for her teachings and happy to say that we are still great friends now.
Since that time I have grown in awareness and understanding, with life teaching me many difficult and very painful lessons. My first marriage was never destined to be a long-lasting or happy one, but I was blessed with a wonderful son, who helped me through those unhappy years. My faith in the Divine was, and continues to be, a great source of comfort and I am continually grateful for the many blessings in my life. I have found many of the answers I searched for in my youth and know, in my heart, that no one ever truly ‘dies’ … and that our souls are eternal.
I now live at The Willows in Torquay and am happily married to John, with whom I have had two more beautiful children. Being of support to my husband and children is very important to me and I enjoy my role as a wife and mother. Secondary to this, my vocation as a healer and intuitive psychic gives me an opportunity to be of service to others, which comes from a soul level. I am passionate about many forms of healing, including the use of crystals, herbs, essential oils and Divine channelled energies, from loving Beings of Light, such as Archangel Raphael.
Other activities I enjoy are gardening, meditation and vegetarian cookery. Currently, I am also writing a book about the many unusual spiritual/psychic experiences I have had since childhood.
Many thanks for taking the time to read my blog.
Love and blessings, Mary